[he thinks he's about to pass out. the world goes dark, and he expects the sound of his boyfriend crying his name to fade with it. it doesn't. he can still hear him perfectly.
he can hear xue yang's laughter. sometimes it makes xingchen laugh too, because it's always so strange and so unrestrained, and he never once tried to change that. but this time it's agonizing. this time it cuts through him like a blade that pierces something more than his heart. it severs something even more essential, shattering him into a million pieces. and xingchen screams at the pain of it, he screams at this man that he'd fallen in love with, and he screams at himself for being a fool.
his strength leaves him, and xingchen would fall to the floor right there if yang wasn't there to catch him. his vision returns when he binks, and the first thing he sees is yang's worried face, his lips calling his name over and over again.
what just happened?]
I - I don't -[he tries to get his legs back under him, and then xingchen notices the startled cashier, the confused customers.] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[it's all he can say, over and over again, but to yang most of all. xingchen curls his fingers in the other's shirt to pull himself closer against his chest.]
Can we go home? Please?
[a whispered plea, because he can see the cashier reaching for the phone, and he knows xue yang well enough to know that it won't go well if they make that call.
(does he though? does he really know him at all?)]
no subject
he can hear xue yang's laughter. sometimes it makes xingchen laugh too, because it's always so strange and so unrestrained, and he never once tried to change that. but this time it's agonizing. this time it cuts through him like a blade that pierces something more than his heart. it severs something even more essential, shattering him into a million pieces. and xingchen screams at the pain of it, he screams at this man that he'd fallen in love with, and he screams at himself for being a fool.
his strength leaves him, and xingchen would fall to the floor right there if yang wasn't there to catch him. his vision returns when he binks, and the first thing he sees is yang's worried face, his lips calling his name over and over again.
what just happened?]
I - I don't -[he tries to get his legs back under him, and then xingchen notices the startled cashier, the confused customers.] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[it's all he can say, over and over again, but to yang most of all. xingchen curls his fingers in the other's shirt to pull himself closer against his chest.]
Can we go home? Please?
[a whispered plea, because he can see the cashier reaching for the phone, and he knows xue yang well enough to know that it won't go well if they make that call.
(does he though? does he really know him at all?)]