[it's better once they're outside, once xingchen can breathe and every breath takes him way from whatever that. he wouldn't blame xue yang if he started running away from him. instead he's still right by xingchen's side holding him so tightly that it almost hurts.]

I'm - I've been having nightmares. [more vivid than any he's other had, but he doesn't know what else to call it.] I'm awake when they happen, and the smallest things can trigger them. It's usually me and you in them...sometimes it's Lan.

[xingchen hugs him tightly after saying that name. he knows it's the last one xue yang wants to hear, but he'll be honest with him.]

It's us but it's not us, and such terrible things are happening. [his fingers bury in xue yang's hair, short and messy now. this is reality, this is his xue yang. xingchen's mouth twists from the sour taste that fills it. his voice trembles like he might break down again.] I know it sounds crazy. Maybe I'm going crazy.