[ nightmares. that alone makes the blood in his veins chill, reminds him of how his memories started to trickle in, bit by bit. those splashes of blood and shadows against white, how they seeped from sleep into the daylight so easily that he barely noticed. his life was filled with violence though, then and now and always, so it wasn't quite so jarring to go from having a gun in his hand in one moment to a sword in another, despite everything. for Xingchen though, that-- that would not be the same.
the more Xingchen speaks, the more tension coils in Xue Yang. even his usual reflexive sneer at the mention of Song Lan doesn't seem as poignant as normal, though his grip on Xingchen flexes.]
They're just nightmares.
[ it's murmured. testing. tastes wrong in his mouth but he is out of practice with lying, then again was never in practice when it came to things like this. lying about memories and things that Xue Yang thought were hallucinations at first himself. Xue Yang wants to make Xingchen forget about what he has seen (what they have lived through) but can't--
but he also can't tell him he has seen them too.
so Xue Yang stalls, presses his lips to Xingchen's softly, as if to quiet him for a moment.]
You're not crazy, don't say that. You're probably just stressed, you do too much, you know. [ for others. for him. for everyone. ] Do you want to talk about what you saw, or would you like me to distract you.
[ it is a line that Xingchen has said to him time and time again and as much as Xue Yang doesn't want to talk about the nightmares, as much as he wants to distract, he knows that they won't stop now that they have begun. he is already thinking of how to keep Xingchen with him, how to explain that was another life (would not bother to say he is not that man because he would still cut our Song Lan's tongue if given the chance), how to spin this to work for him.
in the mean time, he makes sure to not loosen his hold on Xingchen, lets him tangle his fingers in his hair and waits. ]
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responds to this years later.
Date: 2020-01-18 10:02 pm (UTC)the more Xingchen speaks, the more tension coils in Xue Yang. even his usual reflexive sneer at the mention of Song Lan doesn't seem as poignant as normal, though his grip on Xingchen flexes.]
They're just nightmares.
[ it's murmured. testing. tastes wrong in his mouth but he is out of practice with lying, then again was never in practice when it came to things like this. lying about memories and things that Xue Yang thought were hallucinations at first himself. Xue Yang wants to make Xingchen forget about what he has seen (what they have lived through) but can't--
but he also can't tell him he has seen them too.
so Xue Yang stalls, presses his lips to Xingchen's softly, as if to quiet him for a moment.]
You're not crazy, don't say that. You're probably just stressed, you do too much, you know. [ for others. for him. for everyone. ] Do you want to talk about what you saw, or would you like me to distract you.
[ it is a line that Xingchen has said to him time and time again and as much as Xue Yang doesn't want to talk about the nightmares, as much as he wants to distract, he knows that they won't stop now that they have begun. he is already thinking of how to keep Xingchen with him, how to explain that was another life (would not bother to say he is not that man because he would still cut our Song Lan's tongue if given the chance), how to spin this to work for him.
in the mean time, he makes sure to not loosen his hold on Xingchen, lets him tangle his fingers in his hair and waits. ]