Never, you are not someone I can tire of, you are stuck with me for a long while yet.
[ the words are quiet, muttered as Xue Yang presses a kiss to Xingchen's temple, lips lingering there as they walk. he knows that, time and time again, he has always been enraptured by the other. blinded by him just a littler perhaps (there is, for him, no other light. just Xingchen, always Xingchen). there is comfort however in how he is held a little tighter, as if Xue Yang might actually get bored, would be able to walk away.
it makes him laugh, bright and wild as always, while they walk towards the bakery.
he has been taken from Xingchen in golden rope, has been torn from him by steel swords, and he still came back. Xue Yang refuses to leave (what good was a light without the dark, after all? what good is a light if there is nothing else to see?), to let this be taken from him again.
which is why his first thought upon hearing someone offered his boyfriend dance lessons is that he has some legs to break. there is no way that was offered up as anything other than a come on. his grip tightens, probably to the point of bruising, smile curling into something dangerous (something that everyone else sees, everyone but Xingchen) before he manages to control it.]
Oh? And which volunteer was this?
[ he even sounds nonchalant about it.
that is until there are fingertips on his jaw and that voice, soft and promising in his ears. 'dance for you'. that-- almost makes him consider it. knows how graceful, how beautiful Xingchen is usually, how it could be more, but-- he turns his face, leaves a kiss and then a faint bite against the fingertip.]
Dance, mm? Maybe we could go together?
[ then Xingchen could learn, and he-- he could remind some more people just who this gorgeous creature belonged to. ]
There was a time when I thought you'd be gone with the morning light.
[neither one was very big on commitment, or at least not when it came to talking about it. maybe xingchen is a little too accepting, because they were pretty much living together before he realized just how serious it was for xue yang too. the soft tone of his voice and the smile on his lips tells xue yang that he's happy those days of quiet doubt are over. because he does believe that the two of them are destined to walk together for a long time yet.
he hums at the tightened grip, like it doesn't hurt at all. if it does, it only means that he needs to press closer.]
Hmm, Jing. It was kind of him.
[because that's all it was to xingchen, kindness, choosing blind trust over believing that it was anything tainted. he laughs at the feeling of xue yang's teeth nipping his skin. they're sharp in their own way. for a moment xingchen imagines them ripping his throat open, which makes him unconsciously lift a hand to the pale skin of his own neck. but then xue yang's words are surprising him, making him smile again.]
You've never said anything about wanting to learn how to dance before.
[not that he minds, not at all. xingchen taps his shoulder before pointing to the door of the cafe.]
I think I'll get some hot tea. Let me guess, hot chocolate for you? [and then, almost teasingly:] No misbehaving in here.
[ when they first met, Xue Yang had no intention of staying longer than the night. he can't even remember what made him stop in the dim lights of the club that night, what made his eyes linger on the flash of white in the dark, the soft smile that was far too innocent for a place like this, all he knows is that he did. something made him still, press against shadows that lingered to watch just a little star struck (familiar, he was familiar to him even then). and later, when he has blood on his knuckles and bruises on his cheekbones (nothing like the last time they met, when he was steps from death in a ditch just waiting for it to end), he went back to see if that radiance was still there, and pleased when it was.
(less pleased with the fact that someone seems to be glued to his back, hovering and protective. but that didn't matter, he was curious and stubborn and he wanted to know. wanted to put bloodied hands on that purity and ruin.)
it was just curiosity at first, but Xingchen was kind and radiant in ways he had never known, and one night turned into two, into a week, into breakfast with cartoons and texts about dinner. they never talked about it, it just became.
(and the longer they were together, the more he remembered. the more he remembered how he was the one to ruin this, how in their past life and in this one, he is the one that gets to leave the lasting marks, no one else. takes comfort in that fact.)
he leaves another kiss against Xingchen's skin.]
Mmm, nice. Right.
[ stupid. someone won't be dancing for much longer. just because his boyfriend couldn't figure out he was being hit on didn't mean that Yang had to let it slide. he watches, eyes sharp as a hand presses to his neck (has a similar thought, his teeth on Xingchen's throat, blood welling on his tongue, but he doesn't tear, oh no, he teases until Xingchen can't breathe, can't speak, before reminding him again and again that he will always be Xue Yang's, their fates are tied together), and shrugs.]
For you, I would. Can't be all that different from fighting, right? [ a wild grin, laughter in the slant of his brows as he tugs on the door.]] I will behave as long as I am given reason to, thank you. And green or black?
[ because clearly he will order for you. even if he also isn't letting go.]
Edited (typing why) Date: 2019-12-22 04:26 am (UTC)
[xingchen has to laugh at that. not that different from fighting, he says. hilarious. he chuckles into his hand as they step inside.]
I think there's less blood in dancing.
[normally. but this is xue yang they're talking about here. when he was younger, he had to fight, xingchen knows about his rough start in this life too. it makes him even more gentle towards him, showering him with touches that don't leave bruises, don't leave scars.
his boyfriend is incorrigible though. he seems to enjoy the trouble that he finds. alas, what is he going to do with him.]
Black will be fine.
[xingchen looks down at their joined hands, rubbing his thumb against yang's skin. a little confusion leaks into xingchen's memories while xue yang orders, some nameless, shapeless thing. he frowns, moving his hand to brush against his pinky.
when he looks up again, xue yang isn't the same. his hair is longer. his eyes are wild and cruel, matching the sneer on his lips. the warm and sweet scents of the bakery are replaced by the iron smell of old blood, and xingchen feels a sudden wave of sickness washing over him.]
Please... [xingchen starts to twist in his embrace, stumbling back into a small display of cupcakes. what started as a whispered plea turns more anguished right before xue yang's eyes.] Please, let me go!
Mmm, there doesn't have to be... [ he murmurs it quietly, thinks of the way lifetimes ago, Xingchen looked with a sword in his hand on blood on the blade. how it was beautiful and enrapturing and how there was more than once that Xue Yang thought he would be okay with dying if it was by Xingchen's blade (has to stop himself from squeezing his hand too tight when he thinks of how he did go, how they both did).
there must still be something on his face when he goes to order though, because the person taking the order looks a little terrified, and he finds himself snapping with a furrow between his brows as he tries to 'behave', just for his boyfriend (even if he wanted to snarl, just a little). and then--
then Xingchen seems to collapse inwards, curls in on himself like funeral paper burning, and tries to twist out of Xue Yang's grasp and pleads with him. it's familiar, too familiar, and Xue Yang hates it. the cashier is looking at them with something that has gone a little beyond fear, something worried as they look at Xingchen, and that makes hims snarl, something sharp and cold, though it probably doesn't help anything as he tries to slide his hands to Xingchen's shoulders, whether to pull him close or push him away he isn't sure.
('was it fun?' there's blood on his blade, on both their blades, and he can taste copper and bitterness on his tongue, but it is not enough to stop him from grinning, too wide and all teeth. not enough to stop him from telling the truth with a cruel kind of glee. 'of course'.)]
Xingchen! What are you--? [ the words are shaken, anger and confusion fear all at once.] What's wrong.
[ he remembers what it was like the first time the now and the then crashed together, wonders if--]
[he thinks he's about to pass out. the world goes dark, and he expects the sound of his boyfriend crying his name to fade with it. it doesn't. he can still hear him perfectly.
he can hear xue yang's laughter. sometimes it makes xingchen laugh too, because it's always so strange and so unrestrained, and he never once tried to change that. but this time it's agonizing. this time it cuts through him like a blade that pierces something more than his heart. it severs something even more essential, shattering him into a million pieces. and xingchen screams at the pain of it, he screams at this man that he'd fallen in love with, and he screams at himself for being a fool.
his strength leaves him, and xingchen would fall to the floor right there if yang wasn't there to catch him. his vision returns when he binks, and the first thing he sees is yang's worried face, his lips calling his name over and over again.
what just happened?]
I - I don't -[he tries to get his legs back under him, and then xingchen notices the startled cashier, the confused customers.] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[it's all he can say, over and over again, but to yang most of all. xingchen curls his fingers in the other's shirt to pull himself closer against his chest.]
Can we go home? Please?
[a whispered plea, because he can see the cashier reaching for the phone, and he knows xue yang well enough to know that it won't go well if they make that call.
(does he though? does he really know him at all?)]
[ there is, for once, very little awareness in Xue Yang for all the eyes that are on them. he should care more, he knows, should be taking note of faces and names when he can, should mark each one of these people so he can seek them out later if he needs to (because he can tell what they think of him, the fear there. the fear of him and the fear for Xingchen, and he will not let anyone take what is his). but he finds it impossible to do so.
not when Xingchen looks like that, is stumbling and clinging to him in a way that he has not quite experienced before, despite the time together.
(safe, his hindbrain supplies, Xingchen is curling into him because he feels safe. it makes Xue Yang want to laugh again, wild and a little cruel.
if you don't know how the world works, you should have stayed out of it.)]
Shhh, don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. [ a glare at anyone who might even think of arguing that point. no one does, but it probably doesn't help him. no matter. ] Let's... let's get you home. I can make you tea there.
[ the words feel strange in his mouth as he wraps around Xingchen tightly. protectively. possessively. he gives the cashier one more sharp glare before they are back out on the street, the sky dark and the stares of people who were always judging left behind them.
Xue Yang doesn't let go, fingers curling and pressing into his boyfriends shoulders to steady him. or perhaps to steady them both. he waits until they are in the quieter part of town, closer to where they live, before he speaks again. tries to speak as quietly as possible and without the sharpness that seems to always lie in wait when it came to speaking with him.]
[it's better once they're outside, once xingchen can breathe and every breath takes him way from whatever that. he wouldn't blame xue yang if he started running away from him. instead he's still right by xingchen's side holding him so tightly that it almost hurts.]
I'm - I've been having nightmares. [more vivid than any he's other had, but he doesn't know what else to call it.] I'm awake when they happen, and the smallest things can trigger them. It's usually me and you in them...sometimes it's Lan.
[xingchen hugs him tightly after saying that name. he knows it's the last one xue yang wants to hear, but he'll be honest with him.]
It's us but it's not us, and such terrible things are happening. [his fingers bury in xue yang's hair, short and messy now. this is reality, this is his xue yang. xingchen's mouth twists from the sour taste that fills it. his voice trembles like he might break down again.] I know it sounds crazy. Maybe I'm going crazy.
[ nightmares. that alone makes the blood in his veins chill, reminds him of how his memories started to trickle in, bit by bit. those splashes of blood and shadows against white, how they seeped from sleep into the daylight so easily that he barely noticed. his life was filled with violence though, then and now and always, so it wasn't quite so jarring to go from having a gun in his hand in one moment to a sword in another, despite everything. for Xingchen though, that-- that would not be the same.
the more Xingchen speaks, the more tension coils in Xue Yang. even his usual reflexive sneer at the mention of Song Lan doesn't seem as poignant as normal, though his grip on Xingchen flexes.]
They're just nightmares.
[ it's murmured. testing. tastes wrong in his mouth but he is out of practice with lying, then again was never in practice when it came to things like this. lying about memories and things that Xue Yang thought were hallucinations at first himself. Xue Yang wants to make Xingchen forget about what he has seen (what they have lived through) but can't--
but he also can't tell him he has seen them too.
so Xue Yang stalls, presses his lips to Xingchen's softly, as if to quiet him for a moment.]
You're not crazy, don't say that. You're probably just stressed, you do too much, you know. [ for others. for him. for everyone. ] Do you want to talk about what you saw, or would you like me to distract you.
[ it is a line that Xingchen has said to him time and time again and as much as Xue Yang doesn't want to talk about the nightmares, as much as he wants to distract, he knows that they won't stop now that they have begun. he is already thinking of how to keep Xingchen with him, how to explain that was another life (would not bother to say he is not that man because he would still cut our Song Lan's tongue if given the chance), how to spin this to work for him.
in the mean time, he makes sure to not loosen his hold on Xingchen, lets him tangle his fingers in his hair and waits. ]
[just nightmares. how xingchen wants to believe that. and what else could they be? of course xue yang is right, about all of it. everyone has their limits, maybe he's been pushing himself beyond his own. maybe he doesn't even know what his limits are. what do his good intention matter if he's worrying the one he loves the most in the process? because xue yang is worried, xingchen could tell by his kiss, not the usual playful licks and bites. he was gentle. it was like he thought xingchen might shatter in his arms if he kissed him any other way.
normally, xingchen might choose to talk to him, purge himself of these terrible images. if he put into words the hurt that he feels during these spells, he'd realize how crazy they really are. xue yang, for all his sharp edges, would never hurt him.
but he keeps thinking about that kiss, and even if he has been giving too much of himself lately, he can always spare a little more for xue yang.]
Mmm. [he looks into his eyes for a thoughtful moment before a slow smile spreads across his lips.] Distract me. [xingchen cocks his head at him.] Drive me crazy the way that only you can.
[xingchen laughs, and even dares to grab a handful of his boyfriend's ass right there on the street.]
[ the lie will hold for now. at least until Xue Yang can get his feet under him, can have a few more strings untangled and a few more knots tied. not that he wants to lie to Xingchen he knows-- he remembers, how that ends up. with blood in the dust and a silence that is deafening (remembers how at the end of it all he wasn't that upset to die, not really). but he also knows that he can't just say 'I have those dreams too'. dreams, not nightmares, because he can see himself reflected in them so easily, in the blood and death and-- (you know nothing of the world. that hasn't changed.)
maybe they have changed enough that what happened before won't happen again.
(except maybe it will, Xue Yang thinks about how he wants to keep everyone away from Xingchen, how he covets and craves and--)
they are still standing on the street, in between shadows and streetlights, when Xingchen looks at him like that. like he can see the turn of the earth there. like he can see the darkness and loves Xue Yang anyway. it makes his heart crawl up his throat, threatening to choke him.
distract me.
well okay then.
a smile curls his lips, not quite the knife sharp thing he bares for those that he wishes to terrorize, but something just for Xingchen. sharp but still warm, broken only by his laughter when Xingchen's hands make their way to his ass, leaving him curling around him, arms winding around his torso to pull them flush.]
You don't mean in the way I might when I leave the milk out on the counter and it spoils, do you. [ a kiss, more teeth and tugging than before. teasing. his voice is low when he speaks, the words pressed to the thin skin of Xingchen's throat, words interrupted by light nips. ] We're almost home, do think you can beat me home if I give you a five second head start?
[not the way he leaves the milk out, or drinks right out of the orange juice, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste, or the dozens of other little things that drive xingchen crazy on a daily basis. makes him laugh too, the way he is right now, and gods, he loves him. he lets xue yang ground him with teeth and hands that are just a taste of things to come. he puts the pain and confusion of earlier into a white-lined coffin and buries it deep.
(he's not his toy. he's not his downfall. the ache that xingchen feels when he looks at him is love, it's not the pangs of a barely healed soul that couldn't return for hundreds of years. it's not.)]
Mmm, maybe. [xingchen's smile is serene, his half-lidded gaze playful. there's no way a five second head-start would help him. he doubts a five minute head-start would, not if xue yang's of a mind to find and have him. but xingchen pulls away anyway, still looking at his boyfriend as he takes a few steps backward.]
Stay. You promised me a whole five seconds.
[xingchen grins before he turns to run. maybe it's his imagination, or an illusion of the dark rainy streets that he runs down, but he feels faster. he leaps over something with ease and lands gracefully on the other side of it. something wants him to get away from xue yang as quickly as possible, and gives him the power in this life to do so.
instead, he runs right up the stairs of their apartment.]
[ it's something primal, something deeper than marrow, older than the atoms that are clustered together to make him a being, the urge to chase. to hunt. to have. something that has been etched into his bones for as long as he has been is the urge to chase Xingchen. he has been chasing him since he saw him in that club all those eons ago (chasing him since he saw him, too pure and too good in another lifetime), and it flares wicked bright and burning when his boyfriend steps back from him.
(there should be fear there, something unsteady lingering in the smile, the lines of his eyes, Xue Yang thinks. not this playful, wanting thing that makes his stomach swoop and ribs crackle.)
he holds up his hand, phone curled in his grip as he sets a timer.]
Won't move till the alarm goes, promise.
[ the urge flares all the brighter as soon as Xingchen turns and bolts. Xue Yang's whole body lurching with the need to chaseruncashcatchtear but he stops himself. knows that no matter how swift Xingchen is, how fast he is, he doesn't know the streets quite like Xue Yang.
(a small voice says he will run away, will seek the mountains he came from, the arms of someone more stable, will seek--
no. Xue Yang will flatten the mountains if he has to, will cut off the arms of anyone that dares.)
when the alarm goes, he doesn't hold back. goes full tilt with a laugh that echoes in the shadows and between the buildings, steady and bright and constant.
('you don't deserve him'. yeah, well fuck you too, he will deserve him. will prove it.)
Xingchen almost makes it into the apartment, makes it to the door, but Xue Yang doesn't quite takes stairs like a normal person and comes up behind, fast and hard. laugh sharply as his body presses Xingchen between the door and his chest, arms braced on either side of his face while he hides his triumph against the curve of Xingchen's neck.]
You've gotten faster, or were you trying that hard to get away from me? To get home? [ there is a sharpness beneath the words he won't name, so he doesn't wait for an answer. just bites at the knobs of Xingchen's spine hard enough to leave a bloom of red before he kisses is gently, one arm moving down to wrap around his torso. mumbles words against his sweat damn skin as he pushes closer.] Almost made it. Not fast enough.
[xingchen doesn't know why a part of this feels reversed, like he should be the one chasing xue yang. they've taken their turns at it in this life, xue yang stalking him through that club, xingchen finding him in the bathroom after he threatened to rip the tongue out of the nice guy who bought xingchen a drink. and then he found out that that 'nice guy' had slipped something into it when he wasn't looking.
there's a feral streak in xue yang, a comfortableness with violence that's unsettling to most people. but he's always using it for xingchen's sake, never once touching him with it. if xue yang is a knife, xingchen is his sheath.
so when he hears that laughter echoing behind him, it sends a chill up xingchen's spine for all the right reasons. a part of him really wants to reach their apartment, lock the door against him and play a dangerous game of seeing what xue yang does then. he wants the punishment of it so bad that he barely understands it.
his hand is just reaching for the doorknob when xue yang comes up behind him like a force of nature. xingchen's heart is hammering againt his ribs like it wants to break free and keep running. maybe at least one part of him could survive this time. the rest of him is trapped by xue yang's body, his energy. xingchen presses his cheek against the door while he catches his breath.]
Let me go.
[it's softer this time. they're just words. xingchen gasps at the sharpness of his boyfriend's mouth, one hand reaching back to grip his thigh. he's pressing back against him, like a rabbit desperate to be devoured by the wolf.]
Unless you plan on doing something right against this door.
[well...xue yang fucks him where he wants to fuck him, they've been through that before.]
[there are times when the then and now bleed together just a little bit, times when Xue Yang sees white cloth against Xingchen's face. when there is the phantom ache of a crushed finger on his hand, when there is the weight of a weapon made of more than steel held in his grasp. when Xue Yang sees Xingchen with blood on his throat at his feet and feels that riptide of fearlossdispay pull him under to drown. and then there are times like this; when the heat from Xingchen's body pressed close burns away the fog of memory and leaves him instead with the aching sensation of wanting to keep this man with him no matter what.
Xue Yang is not good with softness, he has not known it outside of Xingchen. he does not know how to speak with warm words and gentle touches quite the same way as Xingchen, doesn't know how to make his tongue hold those words the way his fingers can hold a weapon, but he wants to try. just for Xingchen.
so when the words, as soft as the are, are murmured against the cool of the door in their apartment hallway, Xue Yang goes still. his fingers flex against the softness of Xingchen's stomach beneath fabrics (vulnerable, all it would take is a short knife and the right twist and--), but he doesn't press down. doesn't bruise. makes a noise that shakes his chest before he does let go.
just a little.]
Would you like that? Would you enjoy me taking you apart where anyone might be able to walk by and see? Just a little taste of what they can never have?
[ the hand that had pulled away from his stomach comes back, sinks lower to press against him lightly. too lightly to really be gratifying. he is still close to Xingchen, close enough that the heat of their bodies bleeds together, but he is no longer pressing him to the door, no longer trapping him quite the same.]
[there is something that xue yang isn't telling him. xingchen's felt it lately, when his boyfriend goes too still the way that he is now. xue yang has never been still before. the smile used to never drop from his lips, and xingchen would never wake up in the middle of the night to find xue yang's side of the bed empty. he's found him staring into the mirror like he thinks his own reflection can give him answers.
these little things are starting to add up, concerns for himself and concerns for xue yang. it feels like something is bearing down on them both, closer every night, a tidal wave threatening to crash into them and carry him away from xue yang.
he covers xue yang's hands with his own, squeezing them as if to whisper that he won't let go. he'll hold on too. he won't leave him alone this time. he moves with him when his hand slides lower, humming at the little tease of it. xingchen turns around them, leaning back against the door as he looks into the other man's eyes. he never gets tired of that, never feels like he has enough of just...looking at him. but after a moment he reaches down for the doorknob and turns it, leading them both into their darkened apartment.]
I want you to take me apart. [he has no doubt of that. xingchen cups his chin and draws him closer for a kiss, deep enough that he can taste the perpetual sweetness on xue yang's tongue. he works xue yang's shirt up and over his head, hands sliding over his skin, slender fingers curling against the back of his neck as they kiss and come up for air and repeat it all over again.] And then I want you to put me back together again...Can you do that for me, baby?
[xingchen backs away, eyes dark and focused on him as he undresses for him at the doorway to their bedroom. whatever it is that's coming, it can't have him tonight. tonight, he belongs to xue yang.
it could never occur to him that the monster that's coming for him and xue yang are one and the same.]
[ in the memories, in the past life, Xue Yang knows that he was never one for rules. that he was never one to listen, obey. he would comply, for a while, when it suited him, but he would not willingly follow what he was told if it did not suit him. and he was much the same in this life.
except for Xingchen.
he would follow Xingchen anywhere, would listen to whatever he asked of him, even if it did not technically serve himself the way he wanted in that moment. so he stills when Xingchen asks it of him, slows himself, tempers himself. he will also allow himself to be unteathered. will let himself be hungry and wanting and too much for anyone else but the man before him. it is so easy for him to laugh, sharp and sudden, when he is told to take Xingchen apart. wants to warn him that he can do that, so so easily, how he knows every place to press to see him shake.
(knows the words to say to see him crumble, knows what he looks like truly broken.)
the kiss swallows the end of his laughter, and Xue Yang bites and nips at Xingchen's lips as he shirt is pulled away, lets his hands slide beneath the soft fabric of the sweater to drag blunt nails against the dip of his hips, leaves trails of pink in the wake of his touch. ]
Anything for you, my sweet.
[ he will shatter Xingchen just as he has asked ("--I can't fix this." echoes but Xue Yang ignores it, focuses on warmth on the skin being bared to him, on--) and then put himself back together with himself in between the cracks. will make him stronger for it.
it takes almost all of his patience to not pin him to the door frame, to watch as Xingchen tugs away the layers without touching. all but shoves his own jeans off haphazardly, eyes fixed an hungry. he waits until Xingchen is bare before he moves, pushes Xingchen to the bed before climbing atop him and kissing him again. wet and messy and nearly devouring, hands pushing and skin like he wants to sink his fingers right to the bone.
hisses something that sounds a lot like 'mine' against his lips.]
[sometimes it feels like he's playing a dangerous game with the man he shares his life with. sometimes xingchen asks him for this and it feels like he could take him apart a little too well...like xue yang would enjoy it a little too much to break him beyond repair if it meant no one else could have him. it makes him tremble, makes him have to hide the way that his hands shake when his boyfriend pins them to the bed. it's what he asked for - it's only what he asked for, and xue yang has done nothing but give him everything he wants.
he needs his intensity. xue yang makes him feel alive when sometimes he just doesn't. sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night, stiff and cold as a corpse, and his boyfriend's biting kisses and tight embrace are the only things that bring feeling back into him.
like now, now, with xue yang on top of him and inside him. not literally, not yet. but xue yang's fingers and teeth feel like they could sink all the way to the marrow. he's possessive, and he's never made any secrets about that. and it's like xingchen knows nothing but to give all of himself in return, body arching against his until the friction starts to make him sweat. he leaves scratches across his skin, whispering xue yang's name over and over again.
there's no reason for him to forget it. but sometimes it feels like he doesn't know it at all.]
[ the way that Xingchen says his name, over and over, is a balm of sorts, something that soothes the sharp need to claim in him. it is his name that is on Xingchen's tongue, no one else's, his marks that dotted Xingchen's skin (blooming things or red and soon purple, blossoms that told a story about just how much Xingchen was desired, but the marks never made their way up Xingchen's neck, never dotted the lines of his throat the way many would expect). Xue Yang kisses him until he can't breathe, until his lungs are bursting and he has to move.
not that he stops. his mouth simply moves lower, finds himself between Xingchen's thighs easily. sucks bruises into his hips while he lets his fingers curl wickedly around Xingchen. he was asked to take him apart, was asked to make him forget whatever shadows were lingering in his boyfriends mind, so that was what he was going to do. with teasing touches that still left an impression, with his sharp mouth against soft skin and low noises of encouragement.
there are times when Xue Yang is a hurricane of touch and pressure and pleasure, sweeping in and destroying everything in Xingchen that tries to stand against him. times when he is sharp and unrelenting and overpowering, drowning Xingchen to the point where he cannot breathe, cannot know anything outside of Xue Yang.
this is not one of those times. this time, he is steady tide, is the undertow just waiting for the moment to pull Xingchen under. works slow and steady, but still sharp, to lull him into the pleasure that comes from his lips and fingers. works Xingchen until he is trembling and there are pinpricks of tears gathering in his eyes before he presses into him slow and steady. lingers over him, around him, in him, lips pressed to his jaw as he reminds himself how to breathe. but then he is moving, steady and powerful and consuming.
it is a test of his own patience, his own will, as much as it is of how much Xingchen will stand. but he is nothing if not stubborn, wants to see Xingchen break in a far different way that he remembers from before. wants to see Xingchen shake apart and shatter, so that he can be the one to put him together again. fill in the fissures and cracks and--]
[he always thought that it was out of consideration that xue yang didn't mark his neck. clothes could hide everything else, even when xue yang let his mouth run wild. the way he is tonight. xingchen looks down to watch him, lashes at half mast, breath exhaled in soft little pants. he's aching from the time and care that xue yang is taking with him, feeling crazy from it, but it's exactly what he needed. nights when his boyfriend is more like a force of nature, when there's something akin to a fear inside of him that needs to reassured by xingchen's body have always been a thing. and xingchen, delicate though he make look and gentle though he may be, has always been able to handle it. he feels like he lives to ground that wildness inside of him, and prove that he's not going anywhere.
maybe that's why he feels like he's going crazy under such tenderness now. xue yang teases him with his mouth and fingers. every time he looks up at him with ravenous eyes under too-pretty lashes, xingchen has to bite back a sob. bite back a plead. he throws his forearm over his eyes and throws himself into darkness, trusting xue yang to take care of him.
it feels like a lifetime before he finally pushes into him, and all he pleasured torture is suddenly worth it. xingchen cries out, one hand gripping the sheets as he rocks into him while his other arm curls around xue yang. he buries his fingers in his hair, bringing his head up enough to kiss him and put a taste and heat to that name. every thrusts drives him closer to the edge, but xingchen denies himself until he's shaking like a leaf in that hurricane. until the branch finally breaks. xingchen cries out and curls around xue yang, tightens around him to keep every inch and every drop out of sheer need.]
[ tonight is one of those times when Xue Yang wants to bite at the pulse in Xingchen's neck just to feel the pulse of life beneath his teeth. wants to crack open Xingchen's rib cage to see his heart still beating in his chest. he settles for a press of lips to the tendon in his throat (knows that seeing redpurple blooming there will send him into a spiral) and leaves a line of bruises down his sternum instead. leaves a mark the shape of his fingertips against the inside of his thigh. it is worship and possession in equal measure.
everything he does is worship and possession in equal measure, though there are times he is unsure as to who possesses who.
(maybe it doesn't matter at all, maybe this time--)
the heat of Xingchen never fails to make him gasp, make him tremble in his bones like this skin is not enough to contain him. has him stilling so he does not snap his hips hard and fast and punishing as if he might somehow be able to crawl into Xingchen entirely and stay there until the world turns to ash around them.
time doesn't hold much meaning for him when they are like this, when Xingchen has his fingers in his hair and is making noises sweeter than honey against his skin. time means nothing as the pleasure builds and pulls, clings to them both and drags them under. and he lets it, lets the tide roll through him, through them both until Xingchen cries out and it's too much and -- the rhythm he has built, the steady thing he has. falters at that. Xue Yang is shaking as much as Xingchen when the pleasure finally crests, muffles his own noise against a sweat damp shoulder and remembers how to breathe as he tries not to simply collapse.
lingers a moment, then a moment more, before pulling himself away. not far, he topples over beside Xingchen before he gathers him close despite the fatigue in his bones. presses his lips to the tear tracks that are still damp at the corner of his eyes and hums.]
You're pretty when you cry. It's unfair. [ he's pretty all the time, but even more so then. when he can't keep it together anymore. when Xue Yang pushes and pushes and --]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-12-22 12:17 am (UTC)[ the words are quiet, muttered as Xue Yang presses a kiss to Xingchen's temple, lips lingering there as they walk. he knows that, time and time again, he has always been enraptured by the other. blinded by him just a littler perhaps (there is, for him, no other light. just Xingchen, always Xingchen). there is comfort however in how he is held a little tighter, as if Xue Yang might actually get bored, would be able to walk away.
it makes him laugh, bright and wild as always, while they walk towards the bakery.
he has been taken from Xingchen in golden rope, has been torn from him by steel swords, and he still came back. Xue Yang refuses to leave (what good was a light without the dark, after all? what good is a light if there is nothing else to see?), to let this be taken from him again.
which is why his first thought upon hearing someone offered his boyfriend dance lessons is that he has some legs to break. there is no way that was offered up as anything other than a come on. his grip tightens, probably to the point of bruising, smile curling into something dangerous (something that everyone else sees, everyone but Xingchen) before he manages to control it.]
Oh? And which volunteer was this?
[ he even sounds nonchalant about it.
that is until there are fingertips on his jaw and that voice, soft and promising in his ears. 'dance for you'. that-- almost makes him consider it. knows how graceful, how beautiful Xingchen is usually, how it could be more, but-- he turns his face, leaves a kiss and then a faint bite against the fingertip.]
Dance, mm? Maybe we could go together?
[ then Xingchen could learn, and he-- he could remind some more people just who this gorgeous creature belonged to. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-12-22 01:23 am (UTC)[neither one was very big on commitment, or at least not when it came to talking about it. maybe xingchen is a little too accepting, because they were pretty much living together before he realized just how serious it was for xue yang too. the soft tone of his voice and the smile on his lips tells xue yang that he's happy those days of quiet doubt are over. because he does believe that the two of them are destined to walk together for a long time yet.
he hums at the tightened grip, like it doesn't hurt at all. if it does, it only means that he needs to press closer.]
Hmm, Jing. It was kind of him.
[because that's all it was to xingchen, kindness, choosing blind trust over believing that it was anything tainted. he laughs at the feeling of xue yang's teeth nipping his skin. they're sharp in their own way. for a moment xingchen imagines them ripping his throat open, which makes him unconsciously lift a hand to the pale skin of his own neck. but then xue yang's words are surprising him, making him smile again.]
You've never said anything about wanting to learn how to dance before.
[not that he minds, not at all. xingchen taps his shoulder before pointing to the door of the cafe.]
I think I'll get some hot tea. Let me guess, hot chocolate for you? [and then, almost teasingly:] No misbehaving in here.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-22 04:25 am (UTC)(less pleased with the fact that someone seems to be glued to his back, hovering and protective. but that didn't matter, he was curious and stubborn and he wanted to know. wanted to put bloodied hands on that purity and ruin.)
it was just curiosity at first, but Xingchen was kind and radiant in ways he had never known, and one night turned into two, into a week, into breakfast with cartoons and texts about dinner. they never talked about it, it just became.
(and the longer they were together, the more he remembered. the more he remembered how he was the one to ruin this, how in their past life and in this one, he is the one that gets to leave the lasting marks, no one else. takes comfort in that fact.)
he leaves another kiss against Xingchen's skin.]
Mmm, nice. Right.
[ stupid. someone won't be dancing for much longer. just because his boyfriend couldn't figure out he was being hit on didn't mean that Yang had to let it slide. he watches, eyes sharp as a hand presses to his neck (has a similar thought, his teeth on Xingchen's throat, blood welling on his tongue, but he doesn't tear, oh no, he teases until Xingchen can't breathe, can't speak, before reminding him again and again that he will always be Xue Yang's, their fates are tied together), and shrugs.]
For you, I would. Can't be all that different from fighting, right? [ a wild grin, laughter in the slant of his brows as he tugs on the door.]] I will behave as long as I am given reason to, thank you. And green or black?
[ because clearly he will order for you. even if he also isn't letting go.]
no subject
Date: 2019-12-22 07:01 pm (UTC)I think there's less blood in dancing.
[normally. but this is xue yang they're talking about here. when he was younger, he had to fight, xingchen knows about his rough start in this life too. it makes him even more gentle towards him, showering him with touches that don't leave bruises, don't leave scars.
his boyfriend is incorrigible though. he seems to enjoy the trouble that he finds. alas, what is he going to do with him.]
Black will be fine.
[xingchen looks down at their joined hands, rubbing his thumb against yang's skin. a little confusion leaks into xingchen's memories while xue yang orders, some nameless, shapeless thing. he frowns, moving his hand to brush against his pinky.
when he looks up again, xue yang isn't the same. his hair is longer. his eyes are wild and cruel, matching the sneer on his lips. the warm and sweet scents of the bakery are replaced by the iron smell of old blood, and xingchen feels a sudden wave of sickness washing over him.]
Please... [xingchen starts to twist in his embrace, stumbling back into a small display of cupcakes. what started as a whispered plea turns more anguished right before xue yang's eyes.] Please, let me go!
no subject
Date: 2019-12-24 04:03 am (UTC)there must still be something on his face when he goes to order though, because the person taking the order looks a little terrified, and he finds himself snapping with a furrow between his brows as he tries to 'behave', just for his boyfriend (even if he wanted to snarl, just a little). and then--
then Xingchen seems to collapse inwards, curls in on himself like funeral paper burning, and tries to twist out of Xue Yang's grasp and pleads with him. it's familiar, too familiar, and Xue Yang hates it. the cashier is looking at them with something that has gone a little beyond fear, something worried as they look at Xingchen, and that makes hims snarl, something sharp and cold, though it probably doesn't help anything as he tries to slide his hands to Xingchen's shoulders, whether to pull him close or push him away he isn't sure.
('was it fun?' there's blood on his blade, on both their blades, and he can taste copper and bitterness on his tongue, but it is not enough to stop him from grinning, too wide and all teeth. not enough to stop him from telling the truth with a cruel kind of glee. 'of course'.)]
Xingchen! What are you--? [ the words are shaken, anger and confusion fear all at once.] What's wrong.
[ he remembers what it was like the first time the now and the then crashed together, wonders if--]
Xingchen!
no subject
Date: 2019-12-24 03:04 pm (UTC)he can hear xue yang's laughter. sometimes it makes xingchen laugh too, because it's always so strange and so unrestrained, and he never once tried to change that. but this time it's agonizing. this time it cuts through him like a blade that pierces something more than his heart. it severs something even more essential, shattering him into a million pieces. and xingchen screams at the pain of it, he screams at this man that he'd fallen in love with, and he screams at himself for being a fool.
his strength leaves him, and xingchen would fall to the floor right there if yang wasn't there to catch him. his vision returns when he binks, and the first thing he sees is yang's worried face, his lips calling his name over and over again.
what just happened?]
I - I don't -[he tries to get his legs back under him, and then xingchen notices the startled cashier, the confused customers.] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[it's all he can say, over and over again, but to yang most of all. xingchen curls his fingers in the other's shirt to pull himself closer against his chest.]
Can we go home? Please?
[a whispered plea, because he can see the cashier reaching for the phone, and he knows xue yang well enough to know that it won't go well if they make that call.
(does he though? does he really know him at all?)]
no subject
Date: 2019-12-25 02:04 am (UTC)not when Xingchen looks like that, is stumbling and clinging to him in a way that he has not quite experienced before, despite the time together.
(safe, his hindbrain supplies, Xingchen is curling into him because he feels safe. it makes Xue Yang want to laugh again, wild and a little cruel.
if you don't know how the world works, you should have stayed out of it.)]
Shhh, don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. [ a glare at anyone who might even think of arguing that point. no one does, but it probably doesn't help him. no matter. ] Let's... let's get you home. I can make you tea there.
[ the words feel strange in his mouth as he wraps around Xingchen tightly. protectively. possessively. he gives the cashier one more sharp glare before they are back out on the street, the sky dark and the stares of people who were always judging left behind them.
Xue Yang doesn't let go, fingers curling and pressing into his boyfriends shoulders to steady him. or perhaps to steady them both. he waits until they are in the quieter part of town, closer to where they live, before he speaks again. tries to speak as quietly as possible and without the sharpness that seems to always lie in wait when it came to speaking with him.]
What happened, Xingchen.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-25 05:50 pm (UTC)I'm - I've been having nightmares. [more vivid than any he's other had, but he doesn't know what else to call it.] I'm awake when they happen, and the smallest things can trigger them. It's usually me and you in them...sometimes it's Lan.
[xingchen hugs him tightly after saying that name. he knows it's the last one xue yang wants to hear, but he'll be honest with him.]
It's us but it's not us, and such terrible things are happening. [his fingers bury in xue yang's hair, short and messy now. this is reality, this is his xue yang. xingchen's mouth twists from the sour taste that fills it. his voice trembles like he might break down again.] I know it sounds crazy. Maybe I'm going crazy.
responds to this years later.
Date: 2020-01-18 10:02 pm (UTC)the more Xingchen speaks, the more tension coils in Xue Yang. even his usual reflexive sneer at the mention of Song Lan doesn't seem as poignant as normal, though his grip on Xingchen flexes.]
They're just nightmares.
[ it's murmured. testing. tastes wrong in his mouth but he is out of practice with lying, then again was never in practice when it came to things like this. lying about memories and things that Xue Yang thought were hallucinations at first himself. Xue Yang wants to make Xingchen forget about what he has seen (what they have lived through) but can't--
but he also can't tell him he has seen them too.
so Xue Yang stalls, presses his lips to Xingchen's softly, as if to quiet him for a moment.]
You're not crazy, don't say that. You're probably just stressed, you do too much, you know. [ for others. for him. for everyone. ] Do you want to talk about what you saw, or would you like me to distract you.
[ it is a line that Xingchen has said to him time and time again and as much as Xue Yang doesn't want to talk about the nightmares, as much as he wants to distract, he knows that they won't stop now that they have begun. he is already thinking of how to keep Xingchen with him, how to explain that was another life (would not bother to say he is not that man because he would still cut our Song Lan's tongue if given the chance), how to spin this to work for him.
in the mean time, he makes sure to not loosen his hold on Xingchen, lets him tangle his fingers in his hair and waits. ]
not going anywhere
Date: 2020-01-19 06:13 pm (UTC)[just nightmares. how xingchen wants to believe that. and what else could they be? of course xue yang is right, about all of it. everyone has their limits, maybe he's been pushing himself beyond his own. maybe he doesn't even know what his limits are. what do his good intention matter if he's worrying the one he loves the most in the process? because xue yang is worried, xingchen could tell by his kiss, not the usual playful licks and bites. he was gentle. it was like he thought xingchen might shatter in his arms if he kissed him any other way.
normally, xingchen might choose to talk to him, purge himself of these terrible images. if he put into words the hurt that he feels during these spells, he'd realize how crazy they really are. xue yang, for all his sharp edges, would never hurt him.
but he keeps thinking about that kiss, and even if he has been giving too much of himself lately, he can always spare a little more for xue yang.]
Mmm. [he looks into his eyes for a thoughtful moment before a slow smile spreads across his lips.] Distract me. [xingchen cocks his head at him.] Drive me crazy the way that only you can.
[xingchen laughs, and even dares to grab a handful of his boyfriend's ass right there on the street.]
SCOOPS U UP AND RUNS AWAY WITH
Date: 2020-01-19 11:08 pm (UTC)maybe they have changed enough that what happened before won't happen again.
(except maybe it will, Xue Yang thinks about how he wants to keep everyone away from Xingchen, how he covets and craves and--)
they are still standing on the street, in between shadows and streetlights, when Xingchen looks at him like that. like he can see the turn of the earth there. like he can see the darkness and loves Xue Yang anyway. it makes his heart crawl up his throat, threatening to choke him.
distract me.
well okay then.
a smile curls his lips, not quite the knife sharp thing he bares for those that he wishes to terrorize, but something just for Xingchen. sharp but still warm, broken only by his laughter when Xingchen's hands make their way to his ass, leaving him curling around him, arms winding around his torso to pull them flush.]
You don't mean in the way I might when I leave the milk out on the counter and it spoils, do you. [ a kiss, more teeth and tugging than before. teasing. his voice is low when he speaks, the words pressed to the thin skin of Xingchen's throat, words interrupted by light nips. ] We're almost home, do think you can beat me home if I give you a five second head start?
I'M STILL MAD
Date: 2020-01-20 01:09 am (UTC)[not the way he leaves the milk out, or drinks right out of the orange juice, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste, or the dozens of other little things that drive xingchen crazy on a daily basis. makes him laugh too, the way he is right now, and gods, he loves him. he lets xue yang ground him with teeth and hands that are just a taste of things to come. he puts the pain and confusion of earlier into a white-lined coffin and buries it deep.
(he's not his toy. he's not his downfall. the ache that xingchen feels when he looks at him is love, it's not the pangs of a barely healed soul that couldn't return for hundreds of years. it's not.)]
Mmm, maybe. [xingchen's smile is serene, his half-lidded gaze playful. there's no way a five second head-start would help him. he doubts a five minute head-start would, not if xue yang's of a mind to find and have him. but xingchen pulls away anyway, still looking at his boyfriend as he takes a few steps backward.]
Stay. You promised me a whole five seconds.
[xingchen grins before he turns to run. maybe it's his imagination, or an illusion of the dark rainy streets that he runs down, but he feels faster. he leaps over something with ease and lands gracefully on the other side of it. something wants him to get away from xue yang as quickly as possible, and gives him the power in this life to do so.
instead, he runs right up the stairs of their apartment.]
why. what have u to be mad at. really. wow : D also how dare u with that coffin line wow
Date: 2020-01-20 02:37 am (UTC)(there should be fear there, something unsteady lingering in the smile, the lines of his eyes, Xue Yang thinks. not this playful, wanting thing that makes his stomach swoop and ribs crackle.)
he holds up his hand, phone curled in his grip as he sets a timer.]
Won't move till the alarm goes, promise.
[ the urge flares all the brighter as soon as Xingchen turns and bolts. Xue Yang's whole body lurching with the need to chaseruncashcatchtear but he stops himself. knows that no matter how swift Xingchen is, how fast he is, he doesn't know the streets quite like Xue Yang.
(a small voice says he will run away, will seek the mountains he came from, the arms of someone more stable, will seek--
no. Xue Yang will flatten the mountains if he has to, will cut off the arms of anyone that dares.)
when the alarm goes, he doesn't hold back. goes full tilt with a laugh that echoes in the shadows and between the buildings, steady and bright and constant.
('you don't deserve him'. yeah, well fuck you too, he will deserve him. will prove it.)
Xingchen almost makes it into the apartment, makes it to the door, but Xue Yang doesn't quite takes stairs like a normal person and comes up behind, fast and hard. laugh sharply as his body presses Xingchen between the door and his chest, arms braced on either side of his face while he hides his triumph against the curve of Xingchen's neck.]
You've gotten faster, or were you trying that hard to get away from me? To get home? [ there is a sharpness beneath the words he won't name, so he doesn't wait for an answer. just bites at the knobs of Xingchen's spine hard enough to leave a bloom of red before he kisses is gently, one arm moving down to wrap around his torso. mumbles words against his sweat damn skin as he pushes closer.] Almost made it. Not fast enough.
you know what you did!
Date: 2020-01-20 03:23 am (UTC)there's a feral streak in xue yang, a comfortableness with violence that's unsettling to most people. but he's always using it for xingchen's sake, never once touching him with it. if xue yang is a knife, xingchen is his sheath.
so when he hears that laughter echoing behind him, it sends a chill up xingchen's spine for all the right reasons. a part of him really wants to reach their apartment, lock the door against him and play a dangerous game of seeing what xue yang does then. he wants the punishment of it so bad that he barely understands it.
his hand is just reaching for the doorknob when xue yang comes up behind him like a force of nature. xingchen's heart is hammering againt his ribs like it wants to break free and keep running. maybe at least one part of him could survive this time. the rest of him is trapped by xue yang's body, his energy. xingchen presses his cheek against the door while he catches his breath.]
Let me go.
[it's softer this time. they're just words. xingchen gasps at the sharpness of his boyfriend's mouth, one hand reaching back to grip his thigh. he's pressing back against him, like a rabbit desperate to be devoured by the wolf.]
Unless you plan on doing something right against this door.
[well...xue yang fucks him where he wants to fuck him, they've been through that before.]
:ANGELIC FACE:
Date: 2020-01-20 03:42 pm (UTC)Xue Yang is not good with softness, he has not known it outside of Xingchen. he does not know how to speak with warm words and gentle touches quite the same way as Xingchen, doesn't know how to make his tongue hold those words the way his fingers can hold a weapon, but he wants to try. just for Xingchen.
so when the words, as soft as the are, are murmured against the cool of the door in their apartment hallway, Xue Yang goes still. his fingers flex against the softness of Xingchen's stomach beneath fabrics (vulnerable, all it would take is a short knife and the right twist and--), but he doesn't press down. doesn't bruise. makes a noise that shakes his chest before he does let go.
just a little.]
Would you like that? Would you enjoy me taking you apart where anyone might be able to walk by and see? Just a little taste of what they can never have?
[ the hand that had pulled away from his stomach comes back, sinks lower to press against him lightly. too lightly to really be gratifying. he is still close to Xingchen, close enough that the heat of their bodies bleeds together, but he is no longer pressing him to the door, no longer trapping him quite the same.]
What do you want, Xingchen.
squints
Date: 2020-01-20 11:43 pm (UTC)these little things are starting to add up, concerns for himself and concerns for xue yang. it feels like something is bearing down on them both, closer every night, a tidal wave threatening to crash into them and carry him away from xue yang.
he covers xue yang's hands with his own, squeezing them as if to whisper that he won't let go. he'll hold on too. he won't leave him alone this time. he moves with him when his hand slides lower, humming at the little tease of it. xingchen turns around them, leaning back against the door as he looks into the other man's eyes. he never gets tired of that, never feels like he has enough of just...looking at him. but after a moment he reaches down for the doorknob and turns it, leading them both into their darkened apartment.]
I want you to take me apart. [he has no doubt of that. xingchen cups his chin and draws him closer for a kiss, deep enough that he can taste the perpetual sweetness on xue yang's tongue. he works xue yang's shirt up and over his head, hands sliding over his skin, slender fingers curling against the back of his neck as they kiss and come up for air and repeat it all over again.] And then I want you to put me back together again...Can you do that for me, baby?
[xingchen backs away, eyes dark and focused on him as he undresses for him at the doorway to their bedroom. whatever it is that's coming, it can't have him tonight. tonight, he belongs to xue yang.
it could never occur to him that the monster that's coming for him and xue yang are one and the same.]
:GETS MORE ANGELIC:
Date: 2020-01-21 03:15 am (UTC)except for Xingchen.
he would follow Xingchen anywhere, would listen to whatever he asked of him, even if it did not technically serve himself the way he wanted in that moment. so he stills when Xingchen asks it of him, slows himself, tempers himself. he will also allow himself to be unteathered. will let himself be hungry and wanting and too much for anyone else but the man before him. it is so easy for him to laugh, sharp and sudden, when he is told to take Xingchen apart. wants to warn him that he can do that, so so easily, how he knows every place to press to see him shake.
(knows the words to say to see him crumble, knows what he looks like truly broken.)
the kiss swallows the end of his laughter, and Xue Yang bites and nips at Xingchen's lips as he shirt is pulled away, lets his hands slide beneath the soft fabric of the sweater to drag blunt nails against the dip of his hips, leaves trails of pink in the wake of his touch. ]
Anything for you, my sweet.
[ he will shatter Xingchen just as he has asked ("--I can't fix this." echoes but Xue Yang ignores it, focuses on warmth on the skin being bared to him, on--) and then put himself back together with himself in between the cracks. will make him stronger for it.
it takes almost all of his patience to not pin him to the door frame, to watch as Xingchen tugs away the layers without touching. all but shoves his own jeans off haphazardly, eyes fixed an hungry. he waits until Xingchen is bare before he moves, pushes Xingchen to the bed before climbing atop him and kissing him again. wet and messy and nearly devouring, hands pushing and skin like he wants to sink his fingers right to the bone.
hisses something that sounds a lot like 'mine' against his lips.]
no subject
Date: 2020-01-28 12:45 am (UTC)he needs his intensity. xue yang makes him feel alive when sometimes he just doesn't. sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night, stiff and cold as a corpse, and his boyfriend's biting kisses and tight embrace are the only things that bring feeling back into him.
like now, now, with xue yang on top of him and inside him. not literally, not yet. but xue yang's fingers and teeth feel like they could sink all the way to the marrow. he's possessive, and he's never made any secrets about that. and it's like xingchen knows nothing but to give all of himself in return, body arching against his until the friction starts to make him sweat. he leaves scratches across his skin, whispering xue yang's name over and over again.
there's no reason for him to forget it. but sometimes it feels like he doesn't know it at all.]
no subject
Date: 2020-01-28 04:42 pm (UTC)not that he stops. his mouth simply moves lower, finds himself between Xingchen's thighs easily. sucks bruises into his hips while he lets his fingers curl wickedly around Xingchen. he was asked to take him apart, was asked to make him forget whatever shadows were lingering in his boyfriends mind, so that was what he was going to do. with teasing touches that still left an impression, with his sharp mouth against soft skin and low noises of encouragement.
there are times when Xue Yang is a hurricane of touch and pressure and pleasure, sweeping in and destroying everything in Xingchen that tries to stand against him. times when he is sharp and unrelenting and overpowering, drowning Xingchen to the point where he cannot breathe, cannot know anything outside of Xue Yang.
this is not one of those times. this time, he is steady tide, is the undertow just waiting for the moment to pull Xingchen under. works slow and steady, but still sharp, to lull him into the pleasure that comes from his lips and fingers. works Xingchen until he is trembling and there are pinpricks of tears gathering in his eyes before he presses into him slow and steady. lingers over him, around him, in him, lips pressed to his jaw as he reminds himself how to breathe. but then he is moving, steady and powerful and consuming.
it is a test of his own patience, his own will, as much as it is of how much Xingchen will stand. but he is nothing if not stubborn, wants to see Xingchen break in a far different way that he remembers from before. wants to see Xingchen shake apart and shatter, so that he can be the one to put him together again. fill in the fissures and cracks and--]
Xingchen...
no subject
Date: 2020-01-28 06:26 pm (UTC)maybe that's why he feels like he's going crazy under such tenderness now. xue yang teases him with his mouth and fingers. every time he looks up at him with ravenous eyes under too-pretty lashes, xingchen has to bite back a sob. bite back a plead. he throws his forearm over his eyes and throws himself into darkness, trusting xue yang to take care of him.
it feels like a lifetime before he finally pushes into him, and all he pleasured torture is suddenly worth it. xingchen cries out, one hand gripping the sheets as he rocks into him while his other arm curls around xue yang. he buries his fingers in his hair, bringing his head up enough to kiss him and put a taste and heat to that name. every thrusts drives him closer to the edge, but xingchen denies himself until he's shaking like a leaf in that hurricane. until the branch finally breaks. xingchen cries out and curls around xue yang, tightens around him to keep every inch and every drop out of sheer need.]
no subject
Date: 2020-01-29 04:16 am (UTC)everything he does is worship and possession in equal measure, though there are times he is unsure as to who possesses who.
(maybe it doesn't matter at all, maybe this time--)
the heat of Xingchen never fails to make him gasp, make him tremble in his bones like this skin is not enough to contain him. has him stilling so he does not snap his hips hard and fast and punishing as if he might somehow be able to crawl into Xingchen entirely and stay there until the world turns to ash around them.
time doesn't hold much meaning for him when they are like this, when Xingchen has his fingers in his hair and is making noises sweeter than honey against his skin. time means nothing as the pleasure builds and pulls, clings to them both and drags them under. and he lets it, lets the tide roll through him, through them both until Xingchen cries out and it's too much and -- the rhythm he has built, the steady thing he has. falters at that. Xue Yang is shaking as much as Xingchen when the pleasure finally crests, muffles his own noise against a sweat damp shoulder and remembers how to breathe as he tries not to simply collapse.
lingers a moment, then a moment more, before pulling himself away. not far, he topples over beside Xingchen before he gathers him close despite the fatigue in his bones. presses his lips to the tear tracks that are still damp at the corner of his eyes and hums.]
You're pretty when you cry. It's unfair. [ he's pretty all the time, but even more so then. when he can't keep it together anymore. when Xue Yang pushes and pushes and --]